She had to do it. There was no question. Anyway, she was already holding the paper bag in her hand, already standing at Jonathan's doorstep. To turn back now would be a waste of time, of money, and she needed to know the answer. Nervousness flooded her system, naturally, and she slowly raised her shaky hand to knock on the door.
She wondered how obvious she was. If someone walked by and took two seconds to look at her, it would probably be more than enough to know everything that she'd done and was going to do. Or, if someone opened the door and it happened to be Jonathan's mother, when she asked for him, Penny would look at her with total repulsion, because she would know. She would know, and she would hate it, and she would have every right to.
Instead, she received a warm, “Kirsten! I didn't expect to see you!” from Penny when the door opened.
Kirsten nervously chuckled, pushing some of her dark hair behind her ear, and said, “Well, I was wondering if I could see Jonny? It's real important.”
“Yeah, of course. I'll go get him for you.” Penny kindly smiled and closed the door. Kirsten tapped her foot while she was waiting, anxious and really wanting to get her life over with. Not that she wanted to die or anything, she just didn't feel like being herself at the moment.
“What is it?” Jonathan asked from behind the door. Kirsten looked at him and frowned.
“Jonny, I need your help,” she began. “I couldn't ask Devon, because he already hates me, and you're the only other person who...” Kirsten leaned forward and lowered her voice to a whisper, “who knows about... what I did.”
Jonathan considered her request, and while he did so he noticed the bag she was carrying. His eyes widened as he realized what its contents were. “Kirsten.”
“Jonny, I wouldn't ask you if it wasn't absolutely important. I mean, do you think I want to be doing this? No,” she immediately answered, “I'd much rather be at home, sleeping or something. But, Jonny, this is the path my life is taking, and whether you like it or not, you seem to be a part of it.”
Jonathan narrowed his eyes at her for a while, thinking that she probably didn't know as much as she made it sound, and finally agreed. She smiled at him, though it was halfhearted and sad.
“Come on,” Jonathan told Kirsten as he led her down the hallway of the second floor and to the bathroom. He stopped at one door near the end, and pushed it open, allowing Kirsten to enter the room.
“Thank you so, so much, Jonny,” she said before closing the door. “I really owe you one.”
“I think you owe me more than one,” Jonathan said, though mostly to himself, as Kirsten had already closed the bathroom door and couldn't hear him. While he waited for her to finish, he sat down and leaned his head against the wall.
What a mess this whole situation was. He was pulled into it, too, only made his problem by association. He didn't even get to do anything, but he was still paying the price. So much drama, and crying. There was quite a lot of crying. In fact, there was crying now.
Pregnancy tests were something that Jonathan had never dealt with before, and had never needed to deal with before, so he wasn't exactly sure how long it was supposed to take before Kirsten would get the results. But, five minutes after she went into the bathroom, Jonathan heard sobbing, so he gently knocked on the door and asked to come in.
Kirsten was indeed crying, collapsed into a pile on the floor. She didn't look up at Jonathan, but she kept crying and mumbled a bunch of unintelligible words, which forced Jonathan to ask her what the hell she was saying.
“What am I gonna do?” she asked as she looked up at him, or tried to; her eyes were so filled with tears that even Jonathan was having a hard time seeing. “Jonny, what am I gonna do?”
“Uh... take the pregnancy test?” Jonathan dumbly replied.
Kirsten's eyes hardened, and through her clenched teeth she said, “I already did that.” Jonathan quickly looked up on the counter and saw the tiny stick with a plus sign on it.
“Oh, shit.”
“You think?” Kirsten shrieked, and began to cry again. “Oh, my God, what am I gonna do?”
“Kirsten, you have to tell your parents.” Kirsten feverishly shook her head. Jonathan knelt down beside her and grabbed her shoulders. “You have to.”
“I can't, Jonny, I can't. There's no way. I can't do any of this.”
“Well, you can't just-” Jonathan was interrupted by his own thoughts, and Kirsten's painful stare did nothing but reassure him that he was correct. “No, Kirsten, don't.”
“I don't see I have any other choice,” Kirsten sniffed. “It's not like I can really raise a kid, Jonny, I'm thirteen.”
“Do you think maybe you should have thought about that before you went and rolled around with Chris?” Jonathan spat with much more force than he meant. More force than he thought he meant, at least. Deep down, though, he thought Kirsten deserved everything as some sort of punishment, even though her punishment only dragged him further into the situation. Kirsten looked at him, frightened, and started to cry once more. “There's always adoption, anyway.”
“I don't know if I can even handle carrying a baby,” Kirsten quietly said. She sat back and leaned against the counter. “I wish I had a time machine, so I could go back and slap myself.”
“Why did you sleep with him, anyway?” Jonathan asked, sitting beside Kirsten.
“I...” She looked up at Jonathan, looked deep into his eyes, those green eyes she loved so, so much, and lied. “I don't know, something just came over me, and I really wanted it. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea... I don't think that anymore.”
Jonathan sighed and stood up. “Kirsten, please go home now. And, please, at least tell Devon.”
“Devon's gonna hate me,” she said, standing up and walking to the door. “I hate me.” She turned around and took a long look at Jonathan. “Thank you, Jonny, for your help.”
“My pleasure,” he sarcastically muttered, and watched as Kirsten walked out of the room and down the hallway. He heard her trudge down the stairs, and pushed his hand against the counter behind him for support.
That's when he noticed that the test was still laying out in the open on the counter. Not wanting to really touch it, he quickly flicked it into the garbage, along with the paper bag and box next to it. By this point he had a major headache, so he decided to lay down for a while.
He didn't get as much rest as he had hoped, because while his head felt like his brain was trying to squeeze its way out, his mind was still racing. Just one week ago, he was laying on the very same bed, thinking about how lucky he was. Now he was thinking just the opposite.
So, Chris slept with Kirsten. They both regretted it now- not like that did anyone much good. Jonathan was thrown into all of this in the weirdest way he could have imagined. Now his best friend's sister, who was completely infatuated with him, was having a baby that was fathered by his secret boyfriend. His life was feeling more and more made-for-TV by the minute.
That is exactly why he didn't need the drama of the following morning. Devon did not take too kindly to the news of Kirsten's pregnancy, which Jonathan concluded as he stood outside in the schoolyard, waiting for his friend. Devon stormed right past Jonathan and straight to the entrance of the school. He was curving to the right a bit, though, because he had no intention on going inside at that moment.
He pushed through some of the boys that were gathered around Chris, until he made his way to the boy in the middle. Chris was paying attention to someone on his left, but his focus was soon switched as Devon tapped him on the shoulder. He didn't have much time to say anything, though, before Devon's fist collided with his jaw.
The other boys around them gasped and ooh-ed, but no one did anything. Jonathan ran over to the scene, while Devon grabbed Chris's blazer and shoved him up against the building. Before Jonathan could stop him, Devon managed to both knee Chris in the groin and punch him in the stomach. Blood was dripping from Chris's mouth as Jonathan yanked Devon away. Jonathan pushed Devon as far away as he could, while Chris fell to the ground, writhing in pain.
“Devon, calm down,” Jonathan forcefully said as he fought to hold Devon back. Devon was shaking hard, and Jonathan chanced a look at Chris. He was laying in the fetal position, the still-dripping blood splashing on the ground and mixing with his tears. Some of the other boys had bent down to check on him now, and as he watched, Jonathan felt completely helpless, even though he had technically saved Chris from Devon's awful wrath.
“I will not fucking calm down,” Devon hissed, though he didn't fight against Jonathan's hold. “That fucking pretentious douchebag fucking knocked up my sister.”
“I know, Devon, OK? I was there when she took the test,” Jonathan said, easing his grip a little. “But, I mean, Chris doesn't even know yet. You could cut him the tiniest bit of slack, you know.”
“No, I'd much rather cut his throat,” Devon grumbled, but he couldn't keep up the excessive anger for much longer, mostly because the nurse was outside, tending to Chris, and a few authoritative figures were marching towards Devon, looking very disciplinary. Jonathan let him go and walked back to let the adults deal with him.
The nurse was trying, with great difficulty, to get Chris up on his feet long enough to bring him inside. He could barely even move while still laying on the ground. Eventually she gave up and rushed back inside to retrieve a stretcher, or perhaps to call an ambulance. Jonathan wanted more than anything to walk over and comfort Chris, but the only thing he could do was just stand and watch from afar.
Devon was suspended from school for two weeks, during which time he was to participate in 45 hours of community service. And, of course, he was grounded for as long as his parents were still alive. Chris had suffered a ruptured spleen, an injury which required a four-day stay in the hospital. Somehow, throughout all of this, the news of Kirsten's pregnancy managed to stay only between Devon, Jonathan, and Kirsten.
Jonathan thought about telling Chris when he came back from the hospital. They met after school on Wednesday like usual, but there was hardly any time at all. They only had a few minutes to spare before their parents would arrive to pick them up, and Chris had decided to claim the time as his own.
“Oh, I missed you,” Chris whispered as he pulled Jonathan close to him, wrapping his arms around the other boy's neck. “I missed holding you, I missed how you feel.”
“I missed you, too, but you were only gone for four days,” Jonathan softly laughed. “Two of those days we wouldn't have seen each other, anyway.”
“Five days, Jonathan, I didn't see you Friday, either,” Chris corrected. “And besides, I went through something horrible, and I felt like I was all by myself, even though so many people visited to make sure I was all right.”
“I would have gladly been one of those people, you know that.”
“Yes, I know. I wish you could have been.” Chris lovingly curled his fingers around the hair at the back of Jonathan's neck. “Can I tell you something, Jon?”
“What?”
“When I was in the hospital, there was this one nurse who tended to my stitches. Sometimes she'd be in the room four or five times a day. She was a lovely woman, very nice, and she had these amazing eyes.” Jonathan lowered his eyebrows a bit, Chris's dreamy tone shift beginning to worry him. “Amazing green eyes, and every time I looked at her, or she looked at me, I'd melt, because they reminded me of you. In fact, sometimes I wished she'd stop by just to ask how I was doing.”
“Oh,” Jonathan said, still a bit unsure of how to react.
“I really, really missed you,” Chris continued, and he gave Jonathan a peck on the cheek. “Listen, Jon, I was thinking... remember a few weeks ago, when we met by the diner?”
“Of course.”
“It was very fun, and, well,” Chris began, his signature cheeky grin sliding its way onto his face, “I was thinking maybe we could do it again, but go somewhere a lot more private, for a lot longer, and have a lot more fun.”
“Yeah,” Jonathan breathlessly replied, because the way Chris was biting his lip was killing him. “Where did you have in mind?”
“Tomorrow, wait a few minutes before you leave the school, then head straight to the shop in town. I'll meet you there.”
“Meet in the store?” Jonathan gaped. Chris nodded his head, and for a second Jonathan thought he was crazy, but Chris seemed to know what he was doing. “Alright. But, Chris, there's something I have to tell you-”
Just then, a car horn sounded, causing Jonathan to slightly jump. Chris just looked out of the alley and sighed. Without saying anything, he turned back and kissed Jonathan, then whispered, “Shop in town. Don't forget,” and left.
Jonathan watched Chris walk away, made notice of how nicely his charcoal trousers stretched over his tight behind, then slowly counted down from 100. He grew impatient by twenty, and decided to just leave. When he got into his mother's car, he noticed that she had been crying. He asked her what was wrong, but she simply started the engine and began to drive away.
Four minutes went by, and with only one more street to clear before arriving home, Penny finally answered. She sniffed and gently wiped her cheek.
“Everything's fine,” quietly said, but her voice was shaky and Jonathan knew she was lying.
“Mum, obviously it's not,” Jonathan replied, watching as his mother forced herself to hold back tears. She didn't say another word until the car stopped in their driveway, and she pulled the key out of the ignition.
“It doesn't feel great when you don't know what's going on, does it?” Jonathan apologetically looked at his mother. She seemed so sad. He felt absolutely torn; he wanted to tell her about everything that was happening, but he knew he couldn't. She'd probably be even more disappointed than she already was.
Jonathan wanted to at least apologize for shutting her out of his life, but he took too long, and she was already out of the car by the time he opened his mouth. Instead, he followed her inside and quickly went upstairs, literally throwing his bag into his room from the doorway. When he returned downstairs, Penny was sitting at the kitchen table, so he decided to join her.
Penny was writing in what looked like an old journal; it was a book, at least, and from what Jonathan could see, the edges of the cover looked a bit tattered. She could see her son sit down beside her, but she kept her eyes on the page. Jonathan tried to look at what she was writing, but soon gave up. He was going to ask her what she was writing, but he figured that she probably wouldn't answer.
It was so frustrating. Jonathan felt like there was absolutely nothing he could do, because he couldn't talk to his mother, and that's all she wanted from him. He stared at her for the longest time, trying to think of a way to fix things between them, but there was a knock at the door before he came up with anything.
He opened the door to find Kirsten, blankly staring at him. She asked to come inside, and while she was being extremely vague, Jonathan allowed her to do so. Penny looked up from her seat and offered Kirsten to sit down with them. Kirsten graciously accepted, and told Penny that she needed her help. Penny seemed more than thrilled that she could actually be of use to someone.
“You see, I'm in a bit of trouble, and I don't want my parents to be mad at me,” Kirsten began to explain. “I was wondering if maybe you could give me some advice.”
“What sort of trouble are you in?” Penny kindly asked.
“I'm, uh...” Kirsten paused for a moment, then decided to just dive right in. “I'm pregnant.”
Penny was unresponsive for a while, her face wrought with shock. “You're pregnant? Like, a child is developing inside of you?”
“That's what I was always told being pregnant was,” Kirsten nervously joked. Penny didn't find it the least bit funny, though, and Kirsten soon regretted saying it. Suddenly, Penny's eyes went wide and she quickly glanced at her son.
“Jonathan's not the father, is he?” Penny asked. Kirsten immediately shook her head, and Penny looked relieved.
“Though, it would probably make things easier,” Kirsten muttered. “But, no, he's not the father. Penny, what do you think I should do?”
Penny looked at Kirsten and calmly replied, “What do you want to do?”
Kirsten furrowed her eyebrows and looked down at her hands. “I'd like to go back and stop this from happening.” She moved one of her hands to her stomach. “I can't be a mother.”
“Adoption?”
Kirsten watched her stomach, rubbed it with her hand, and nodded. “I should.” Penny softly smiled.
“Have you told the father?” she asked, and Kirsten shook her head. “And I assume your parents don't know?” Kirsten shook her head again, and Penny sighed. “I suggest you tell them before you do anything else.”
Kirsten sat in silence and though over Penny's words, then she flicked her eyes up at Jonathan. “Jonny, will you come with me when I tell them?”
“Uh, I don't know,” Jonathan nervously replied. “I mean, would your parents really like it if a boy came along to tell them you're pregnant?”
“Jonathan's right, Kirsten,” Penny said. “This is something that you need to do on your own. After all, if you're going to be a mother, you need to learn to be responsible. This would be a good place to start.”
Reluctantly, Kirsten agreed to Penny's advice, and left after thanking the pair for their help. Penny went back to writing in her mysterious book, and by now Jonathan was tired of being a disappointment, so he went up to his room, where at least he couldn't see his mother looking so upset.
Jonathan could never work out why he spent so much time in his room. There was never anything to do up there, and most of the time he just stared into space and daydreamed away the hours. He supposed that it was much nicer than having to deal with reality, which never dealt kindly with him.
Randall was home not too long after Kirsten left. Jonathan heard the door and heard his father greeting his mother, but after that things were quiet. It didn't unnerve him much, until he realized that it was really dark outside, and he'd not been called down to dinner.
Jonathan slowly crept down the steps, the eerie silence making him feel as though he was in a horror movie. He didn't find any dead bodies bathing in pools of blood, though, but he did find his father asleep in front of the TV and his mother cuddled up next to him, also asleep. He looked at the clock on the wall; it was only seven-thirty. He spun around and looked into the kitchen.
The light was on, but there wasn't any food that had been taken out, and obviously no one was in there. As Jonathan began to walk into the kitchen, his parents stirred, and his mother caught sight of the time and apologized for falling asleep. Jonathan told her it was all right, and that he was just a bit worried, and Randall told him there was nothing to be worried about. Despite Randall's often unruly temper, Jonathan felt as though he could trust his father's reassurance. He didn't think about it right then, but his parents actually getting along may have been the only thing that was going right in his life.
Dinner was quiet, but peaceful. Since it had taken longer to prepare the meal than Penny had hoped, it was nearly time for Jonathan to be in bed by the time they finished. Jonathan accepted this, though, because as of late he found himself becoming increasingly tired. He nearly forgot to mention to his mother that he would once again be going into town after school the next day, but when he did she agreed without any further comment.
As he lay in bed, Jonathan tried not to think, which proved to be a great challenge. He didn't even want to think about Chris, because even though he loved the blue-eyed boy, Chris was every bit the cause of his troubles as every other thing. Plus, he still hated that he couldn't have been of more assistance to Chris after Devon's bout of rage. Of course, the more he tried to block his thoughts, the more he kept thinking. He grew so tired after a while that he just gave up and let his mind roam free until he was unconscious.
School was more of a drag than usual the next day. It had already been a few days since Devon's suspension had begun, but the table was still not use to the absence of his colorful personality. Jonathan barely even looked at the other boys at the table, but when he did he noticed just how boring they really were. He also realized just how anti-social he was. Being twins, Steve and Matt were together most of the time, and therefore it was not so surprising that they had many tales to tell. But the other boys, they told just as many stories as the twins, and Jonathan couldn't help feeling like an outsider. The only person he ever hung out with was Devon, and even then they never really did much except for play video games.
After a while, he stopped caring, though, and just ignored the other boys. He slowly watched his food disappear from his tray, and filled his mind with thoughts of that afternoon. He was still a bit unsure of what Chris had planned, and he was especially nervous about the idea of them meeting in a public place. Eventually, though not nearly soon enough, the day ended and all the boys began to leave the school. Jonathan stalled for a bit like Chris had told him, then began to make the journey to the store.
Sure enough, Chris was in one of the front aisles when Jonathan arrived. Chris had never told him more than where to meet, yet somehow as Jonathan walked past, he knew exactly what to do. He stayed a safe distance away from Chris, harmlessly browsing the merchandise that stocked the shelves. When he saw Chris head towards the register, he knew he was meant to follow.
“It's a lovely day out, isn't it?” Jonathan heard Chris casually ask the cashier. She gave him a tired look and uninterestedly agreed. She practically threw his change at him, obviously not in a good mood, and Chris told her not to be so kind. Then, as he spun around, he said loudly to Jonathan, “Women,” and rolled his eyes. Jonathan was absolutely shocked at Chris's boldness, until he realized that Chris had meant for them to seem like strangers. The cashier certainly wasn't going to care, anyway, and maybe Jonathan's shock came off as a repulsion to this strange boy who decided to speak to him. Another realization came to Jonathan soon after he placed his items on the counter, which was that Chris was already outside the store, and that he was putting far too much thought into the whole thing. He paid, then left, and as he walked out the door he caught sight of Chris rounding the corner.
He walked down the sidewalk and followed along Chris's path, which eventually led to somewhere Jonathan had never been before. It was simple- a rather large, rundown building that looked as though it could once have housed a giant, but was now just uselessly discarded- yet it was perfect. The building was not only huge, it was so far out of the way of everything that there was no way anyone would think of going there.
“Wasn't that such a rush?” Chris beamed as he and Jonathan sat together against the building. Chris was holding a bar of chocolate in his one hand, and with his other he tossed another bar to Jonathan.
“All we did was stand next to each other for a minute,” Jonathan said, gracefully catching the bar and unwrapping it.
“I know, it's so sad that that's what we've been demeaned to.” Chris sadly shook his head and broke off part of the chocolate. “Still, though, we really showed them.”
Jonathan laughed at the other boy, sweetly, though, and once they'd finished the chocolate bars, Chris pulled him up from the ground. A random thought popped into Jonathan's head; everyone always commented on Chris's height, but Jonathan was equally as tall. Then again, Jonathan always shied away from the boys at school, and he wouldn't have been surprised if most of them didn't know he existed.
Chris looked at Jonathan for what seemed like five minutes, just staring and drinking in the sight before him. Jonathan stared back, and soon he found himself smiling at Chris. It seemed like that was just what Chris was hoping for, because as soon as Jonathan smiled, Chris grabbed him and pulled him forward a few steps, until the two boys were a mere inch apart.
But Chris found himself oddly nervous. It wasn't as though he and Jonathan had never done anything before. He felt very strange, though, and he felt the same love for Jonathan as he always had, but he couldn't even find the courage to kiss him. Something was wrong, very wrong, and Chris blinked his eyes a few times, but that did nothing to control his state.
The suddenly the source of his odd behavior made itself known. A sharp pain in Chris's abdomen nearly doubled him over, and Jonathan grabbed him and helped him to the ground.
“Chris, are you OK?” Jonathan asked, holding Chris's head in his hands. Chris was obviously not OK, but Jonathan wanted to hear him speak at least.
“No,” Chris simply replied. “Jonathan, you need to- ah!- you need to get out of here, I have to call my mum or something.”
“How are you going to explain to her why you were here?”
“I'll figure something out, don't worry, but I can't have you here when she comes.” Chris grabbed his stomach and groaned. “Jonathan, please.”
Jonathan did as Chris told him, and left the poor boy laying against the side of the building. It was the way it had to be, and just before he was out of sight, Jonathan took one look back at Chris. He was already in a miserable state, and who knew how long it would take before anyone showed up to help him? Jonathan knew he had to leave, though, so he rounded the side of the building, Chris's painful moans still ringing in his ears, just glad that he could once again be of no help whatsoever.
